In case you thought "Don't Mess With Texas" was a worn out expression from that biggest of American mainland states with a century old bullying complex, think again. Chace Crawford, 24-year old Hollywood heartthrob who hails from the Dallas area, was nabbed, mug-shot and released on $2,000 bail for being in possession of what some are reporting was a singular marijuana cigarette. You read this correctly: from the same state that brings us oil-reeking money, the Bush dynasty and switch-happy executionists comes a loud and clear message--kind of like the drawled out imperative blasting from one of those battery operated megaphones held by a state trooper with a size 42 girth--"NOT IN OUR STATE."
Well, good for those Texas officials, going against the grain and sticking up for what they think is right and American. Never mind that this just makes it "louder and clearer" to citizens in the rest of the country, many of whom happen to be existing in the 21st century, that Texas is a just what we all thought: "A big stretch of largely nondescript land with a backwards establishment. . .except for Austin."
If you think I am jumping to unfair conclusions about the Lone Star State and that I am just a hippy Californian with an attitude, you may be right--or at least right-wing; (far be it from me to tangle with you or even engage with you in healthy disagreement. . .chances are you are probably packing a piece behind your belt buckle) but consider this: I have actually been to Dallas.
Believe me, I have walked along the rail-straight highways of Dallas, I have spoken to the people of Dallas; to boot, I have a BA in Anthropology and here are a few things I surmised from my ethnographic visit:
1. Anyone cool or open-minded in Dallas, doesn't really like it and speaks longingly about leaving some day.
2. It is hot and flat.
3. All different sizes of "Shooting Towers" are on sale and on display at various hunting superstores.
I'm guessing, bless your soul, you may not have a clue about what a "shooting tower" is?
A "shooting tower" is a platform elevated upon a 40 or 50 foot quad or tripod in which a camo-donning "sportsman" lurks and waits for unsuspecting--often graceful and beautiful--wildlife. It can be like a throne where one sits like some kind of "King of Killing" or it can be an actual enclosed hut in which he hides out. Either way the end result is the same: "Fooled Ya! Bang. . ."
Of course not everyone in Dallas is out there saving their pennies for a shooting tower, but the fact that they are on display, on sale and on the side of the main highway says something about the establishment, about the status quo, about what is acceptable in Dallas.
This seems particularly twisted in a state where, in 1966, former marine sharp shooter Charles Whitman, decided to test his skills on actual people and killed 14 and wounded 32 from the top of the 307 foot "shooting tower"--the University of Texas, Austin administration building. Charles Whitman fooled everyone that day and that was one hell of a dirty trick. Given this heartbreaking history, is it that much of a stretch for Texas and it's famed sportsmen to see what little sport is involved in this and how fundamentally uncool it is?
More to the point, where are we in our evolving civilization if shooting towers are legal and acceptable and herbal cigarettes are illegal and unacceptable? Chace Crawford may have been born and raised in Dallas, but if I were him, I wouldn't feel too badly about the fact that I can no longer call it home.
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